Al Diamon
Rabbi in the Zone. Scarborough in a Storm. Almanac in a Prediction.
(page 1 of 2)
There are certain subjects that cannot be satirized on a respectable Web site such as this one. Religion, for one. Ethnic groups, for another. And, of course, the Farmers’ Almanac. So, if my tone seems unusually respectful this week, it’s not because I’ve lost my edge. It’s just that I don’t want to lose my job.
(Although, maybe I won’t have to clean up my act, after all. I’ve always suspected nobody in management actually reads this blog. Time to find out. If it turns out I’m wrong about that editorial indifference, you’ll know, because this space will be filled next week with adoring little portraits of puffins, fall flowers and Margaret Chase Smith.)
The official religion of the city of Portland is the First Church of Zoning. You want to put a McDonald’s in an historic area? You are cast down into a pit of red tape and litigation. You want to keep a cow in your backyard? You are condemned to drinking store-bought milk filled with growth hormones. You want to hold prayer meetings in a residential neighborhood? Thou shalt not!
Rabbi Moshe Wilansky has been violating this holy commandment about prayer meetings for several years, inviting Orthodox Jews to his house of Craigie Street each Saturday morning to (gasp!) pray. He even mentioned the services on his Web site. He cared not for the laws of Portland, which state that churches in residential areas have to be on two-acre sites to allow parking. He was summoned to face the wrath of the Zoning Board of Appeals.
On Aug. 21, the board met, and, in its infinite wisdom, realized that this whole mess (including a protest by other religious organizations and threats of legal action by the Maine Civil Liberties Union) was making the city look foolish. It rejected complaints from neighbors (too many cars parked on the street) and city staff (trash trucks might have trouble getting through, in the unlikely event trash trucks tried to drive down Craigie Street on a Saturday morning) and ruled that current zoning allows small religious gatherings.
Hallelujah and amen. Although, I think in the First Church of Zoning, the correct exclamation is “Meeting adjourned.”
In Scarborough, no issue, not even religion, is of greater concern than the nickname of the high school sports teams. Some alumni don’t like that moniker.
You could understand their concern if they had to go through life being remembered as a member of the Screamin’ Cooties lacrosse team or the Flatulent Weasels beach volleyball squad. But Scarborough’s nickname is the Red Storm. Elicits glorious images of Soviet tanks rumbling into Prague. Or Russian tanks rumbling into Georgia. Or … well, I can see their point.
Trouble is, some alums want to go back to the old nickname, which was dumped seven years ago, in a fit of ethnic sensitivity. Until then, the team was called the White Honkys.
Oops, sorry. The name was actually Redskins, a term that one nostalgic ex-jock told the Forecaster was “a tribute” to Native Americans.
No word on whether that person played football without a helmet.
A petition drive is currently underway calling for an advisory referendum on restoring the old name.
Posted on Monday, August 25, 2008 in Permalink
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